Don’t you want to get married? I love that question. Or, there’s always the “Don’t you think it’s because your expectations are too high?” That coming from the mouth of a divorced flight attendant recently as he leaned over the seat in front of me pouring out his wisdom of the ages.
I had to wonder, do people ever ask themselves if their expectations weren’t high enough? Hmmmmm.
“Well, you surmise, it’s obvious. Your situation never posed a male/female, family environment. You were not ready for or groomed to be capable of marriage. You had no training.
You know, that’s fine. I can appreciate that thought. But I don’t know that I buy it. Not when I personally see a lot of marriages that consist of two people who did not evolve from a Beaver Cleaver household or environment and they are making it work. And too, I never wanted to be single. Family is precious to me. I always planned for and wanted one.
So, you ask me again in frustration, “Why aren’t you married then?”
Like I mentioned earlier, I just have not yet found the person I really want to grow old with and who mutually wants to grow old with me. It’s that simple.
As I write this, I am caring full-time for my 95-year-old grandfather. He in turn, cared for my grandmother for 5 years. She had alzheimers. And I watched that man personally handle her until they both collapsed of pneumonia and had to be admitted. He to the hospital, and she to a private facility. He then drove to see her every day for 6 hours until she died. 3 years later! To be honest, I just don’t find a lot of men out there that show signs of willingness to care for me the way my grandfather role modeled . I know. Sounds harsh. But I think about it.
Now you might be saying, “But you’re not getting any younger. True. But, I also do not have that ex-wife factor in my life, fatherless children, and in-laws living in my basement – yet. I am not living with a man that makes me secretly wonder if he will care for me should I go senile and, I don’t follow a husband around wondering where he is at night, and with whom who he is spending his time. Someday, perhaps. And so be it. But for today, it’s just me and the dog, and we’re doing pretty good.
Before you write me off as anti-marriage or negative, hear this. I think people are finally beginning to realize that marriage is work. Hard work. And it is work that I want to do with a partner who wants to work at it just as much as I do. Call me crazy, but it’s as simple as that.
And too, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to avoid getting married just to be, well, married.
You’re single. Right? At least, you probably wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t. Then again, you may be that concerned mother, friend, or relative who is beginning to panic about that single girl or woman in your family or life. You are sincerely trying to figure out what is wrong with her. Or, heaven forbid, trying to determine if she is gay!
Well, good news. Many of us out there in single land are still very, VERY, heterosexual. Trust me. (Well, at least those that will be reading and enjoying this blog-time together, I should say.)
See Day 7 (below)
I am amazed at how singleness (especially for those who have never been married) is still viewed as a potential disease, illness letâ€™s say, or worse yet, some type of curse. Odd indeed when you realize that 110 million Americans alone (as of this writing) are single. And the number is growing. Stranger still when you look at the celebrities that are plastered on our magazine covers, TV and movie screens every day. By the way, have you ever noticed that the majority of them are not married. Hmmmm. Now thereâ€™s a moment of enlightenment. And, if they are legally bound, it isnâ€™t usually for too long before they wind up, or want to be, oddly enough, single again. But thatâ€™s for another blog. In the meantime, this one is about what itâ€™s like â€“ for me – being single.
That said, please hear me. Life as a single isnâ€™t so bad. In fact, itâ€™s actually been pretty good of late. I would love to be in a healthy, happy marriage. But, what I want to make very clear to you is this, if I can survive this phase of life, so can you. You are going to be just fine. Really! And you are not only going to be just fine. You are going to be great. Come back tomorrow. Itâ€™s only going to get better from here!