“Don’t you want to get married?” I love that question. Or, there’s always the “Don’t you think it’s because your expectations are too high?” That coming from the mouth of a divorced flight attendant recently as he leaned over the seat in front of me pouring out his wisdom of the ages.
I sat there for a moment, then had to wonder, do people ever ask themselves if their expectations weren’t high enough? Hmmmmm.
“Well”, you surmise, “it’s obvious. Your situation never posed a male/female, family environment. You were not ready for or groomed to be capable of marriage. You had no training.”
You know, that’s fine. I can appreciate that thought. But I don’t know that I buy it. Not when I personally see a lot of marriages that consist of two people who did not evolve from a Beaver Cleaver household or environment and they are not only making it work, they are thriving! And too, I never planned to be single. Family is precious to me. I thought it would happen.
So, you ask me again in frustration, “Why aren’t you married then?”
Like I mentioned earlier, I just have not yet found the person I fell I will grow old with and who mutually wants to grow old with me. It’s that simple.
When I originally wrote the above, I was caring for my 95-year-old grandfather. He had in turn, cared for my grandmother for 5 years. She had alzheimers. And I watched that man personally handle her until they both collapsed of pneumonia and had to be admitted. He to the hospital, and she to a private full-care living facility. He then drove to see her every day (in his 90s), for 6 hours, until she died. 3 years later! To be honest, I just don’t see a lot of us out there that show signs of willingness to care for each other the way my grandfather role modeled. I know. Sounds harsh. But I think about it.
Now you might be saying, “You’re not getting any younger.” True. But, when I take a good look at my current situation, I also realize that I do not have the ex-wife factor in my life, fatherless children, and in-laws living in my basement – yet. I am not living with a man that makes me secretly wonder if he will care for me should I go senile and, I don’t follow a husband around wondering where he is at night, and with whom he is spending his time. Someday, perhaps. And if those scenarios ensue, so be it. But for today, it’s just me and the dog, and we’re O.K.
Now hold on! Before you write me off as anti-marriage or negative, let me divulge a bit further. The point of this little diatribe of sorts is merely to stress this point: I think people are finally beginning to realize that marriage is work –Hard Work. And it is work that I would like to do with a partner who wants to work at it as much as I do. Call me crazy, but that’s about the truth.
And too, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to avoid getting married just to be, well, married. On more ocasions than I can remember, girls have told me, “That’s just what you did. No questions asked. You got married.” I think there is a nobleness to that as well. In that marriage institution was so encouraged and promoted, people just went for it. But I do feel a lot entered the union rather unprepared for the long haul.
I am definitely no Socrates, but I do like to think things through. Hmmmmm. Maybe a bit too much???